Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Electrical Disturbances

So last night I'm trying to finish up remixing a demo song by my band, Long Story Short. And of course, it's not going well. That is to say, the computer isn't doing so hot... with more "system overload" errors than you can shake a stick at, I start to work on the problem. Drivers? Updated. Program? New version installed. Moved sound files to a free-er/better hard drive? Check. Yet still, I get these errors every time I hit play.

This might be surprising to anyone else, but I've really come to expect this type of thing to happen whenever electrical/electronic devices are involved. You see, I have come to realize that I have a poltergeist. This poltergeist seems to be electrical in nature, working diligently and vindictively to destroy and otherwise render inoperable anything vaguely electrical-related that I own.

A short history:
I blew up my first guitar amplifier by - oh no, get this - playing guitar through it. Another one (which was a gift) went the same way, except with more smoke. The CD drive on my first PC decided to up and die at a climactic part of one of my favorite video games. A few years ago my stereo exploded in a very pretty array of sparks while I was playing guitar, not to mention it giving me (and my speakers, and my various lights around the room) quite a shock. The monitor I had for my computer at one point had such a horrid, incessant high-pitched buzzing that it was dubbed (and subsequently labeled) the "evil machine," and the person I gave it to swore it was cursed.

My current monitor is going the same way, as it has terrible banding lines whenever there's something bright on screen... and it's started the same horrible high-pitch buzz.

I really could go on quite some time detailing the various electronic equipment that's been in my possession and soon after suffered some serious electrical issues. I won't even mention the various motherboards/processors/hard drives that have died at my unknowing hands.

It is due to these reasons that I have become aware of the poltergeist. At first, I thought it could be a super power, like the mutants in the X-Men universe, arriving after the onset of puberty... or perhaps a blast of uncontrollable magic when I'm angry or upset, like Harry Potter... or maybe an electro-magnetic pulse weapon that has come to live in my blood through a malfunctioning nano-technology of some sort. However, due to the very nature of the destruction - occuring at the most inopportune times, when I have an imminent deadline and such - that I have come to know that it is an alter-ego of sorts, an vicious electrical subconscious doppelganger.

Finally, I have come to terms with the fact that he will always be around, breaking my favorite toys, destroying any chance I have at living an easy life with the technology of this, the 21st century.

Being my polar opposite, I have named him Ttam Zciweleib.
Or "TZ" for short.
Not that naming him makes it any less frustrating.